Inadequate?

Today I’m struggling with the feeling of inadequacy. In the past if someone asked me what I did for a living, I would proudly tell them that I was a stay-at-home rock star. But today, today was different. Today, all three of my kids are in school. Telling someone I stay at home doesn’t feel like a glorious reply anymore.

I know I still do a lot—I’m the person that keeps busy. If I’m not writing I’m cleaning, fixing, volunteering, landscaping, budgeting (attempting to), homework helping, pet portrait painting, entire house painting, etc. I don’t allow myself a lot of down time—which is a shame because I LOVE to read.

Yet, for some reason, when I replied to that simple query, I felt down. Because I can’t very well call myself a professional writer—you have to publish to be professional. I can’t call myself an artist—I’ve given away all my paintings so far. I can’t hang onto the coattail of my college accomplishments anymore—nobody cares what I studied or what awards I earned.

In addition, the time I usually write has been eaten away by life-stuff the past few weeks. My writing feels disjointed, leaving me unsatisfied. That in itself is enough to put me in a bad place. Creativity left untended leaves a gaping hole that one can fall into. The cherry on top of my unwanted sundae: I haven’t gotten a single positive reply from the literary agents I reached out to.

I’m a realist. I know that patience and perseverance are the key to getting published. I’m stubborn enough to have written nearly seven books without having published a single one. That’s hundreds of thousands of words that have flown through my fingers—for nothing. The fact that I’m still plugging away is enough for me to believe in myself and my dream of publication. Just today, my patience with publication has disappeared, making me feel subpar.

If I am being completely honest with myself, I found my purpose nearly ten years ago when I had my first kid. I know I should feel accomplished that I’m raising three awesome kids (my husband gets credit here, too). My life is full and I should be focusing on that. It’s just…I’ve always wanted to be something more.

After all, when I was younger, I wasn’t satisfied to just play soccer. I had to swim, play softball, gymnastics, volleyball, track, take piano and art lessons; and I had to do well in school. I wasn’t satisfied with anything less. It should be no surprise to me that being a stay-at-home parent isn’t enough anymore.

So, today, it’s not enough. I feel inferior. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I won’t feel like I’m drowning in to-dos. I’ll look around and feel pretty stupid that I had a moment of self-deprecation.

I’m lucky to be a stay-at-home mom so I can tackle this crazy goal of mine before going back to work. I’m fortunate for the opportunity. And the next time someone asks me what I do, I won’t allow myself to hang my head with my reply. 

Creativity versus Lunacy

I’m sitting here at the “office”—aka Starbucks—thinking of ways to kill a character. This character is particularly villainous, so it has to be good. I don’t want it to be as simple as a stab wound or a gunshot.

It occurs to me that if someone saw my search history, they might think I’m planning a murder.

So, I’ve decided you have to be a little crazy to be a writer. It must be a fine line between creativity and lunacy. Think Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath...

You have to be able to think up original stories that normal people just wouldn’t imagine. Normal people won’t picture how to kill off a character in their mind. Normal people won’t research weapons and ways to die in order to avoid sounding like an idiot in that particular scene.

So, I’m a little cracked. And stubborn. Let’s be honest, they kind of go hand in hand. You have to be crazy to continuously showcase your work to the masses where you will receive good and bad criticism. That kind of exposure is a little foolish. It’s like going to school naked every single day. People are going to look and judge.

To be a writer, you have to be persistent. Rejection is lurking around every corner. If you’re not prepared to accept that you’ll hear “no” a lot more than “send me more,” you’re in for a big surprise. This kind of persistence borders stupidity (crazy). If a child burns their hand on a hot plate, they’ll think twice before touching the next one. If a writer gets rejected, they just keep writing.

And writing a book doesn’t mean you’re finished with it. You have to edit it a thousand times. You need your publishing package all put together with a query letter, pitch, logline, long synopsis, short synopsis, and outline. And let’s be honest, if a literary agent shows interest and asks you to harness the sun’s power…you’ll find a way to do it.

For me, the crazy/untraditional way my brain works provides me with what I need to be a writer. I’m a dabbler, a Renaissance woman, who requires a challenge and a change of cerebral scenery on a regular basis. It’s why I studied literature, organic chemistry, biology, art, etc. It’s why reading and writing are my favorite things to do. I have several books in progress and even more stories suffocated by my meninges, searching for a way out. My imagination is in charge of the scenery.

The hodgepodge of information floating around in my head is the perfect catalyst for my stories. Writing forces you to pull from within yourself and present it to the world. It also forces you to research something new to keep things intriguing. If all writers wrote about main characters with the same profession, books would get boring. How many billionaire romance novels are out there? It’s getting old, isn’t it?

So instead of forcing myself to buckle down and get a traditional job, I’m embracing the knowledge and skills that I have to pursue my dream first (there’s a deadline…I can’t be a stay-at-home mom forever). I’m crazy enough, persistent enough, and willing to put in the work.

Check out my current projects, and please share! ;)

(Yup...that's me in a Chewbacca onesie--crazy ;) )

The Good, the Bad, and the Digital

Anyone can publish a book. Digital publishing has made it easy for writers to fulfill their dreams of becoming a published author and reach an audience.

However…anyone can publish a book. Which means among the gems of self-published e-books out there, there are really, really poor examples of writing.

I’ll be honest, I’ve read my fair share of quality books and junk books. I give new authors a try because I know what it’s like to want to take that first step and publish on your own. I can even overlook a few typos (if it’s excessive, I may throw my e-reader across the room).

Many successful authors started by selling their books online. Some published a few chapters at a time; some gave their book away for free to gain interest. Whatever the method, it can be argued that self-publishing is a viable method. Their success, however, is directly related to the reader and how far the writer’s platform can reach.

Along with the newish freedom of publishing, the voice of the reader has gotten louder. Anyone can review your work. Readers all have likes and dislikes and the reviews are more accessible than they were in the past.

It’s great if you receive a stellar review, but many over-readers are very hard to please. Their reviews are frequently negative. It takes a lot to impress an avid reader.

When I purchase a new book on my e-reader, I look at as many reviews as possible. Readers matter. Their opinions are powerful. Their reach is beyond the old word-of-mouth method of recommendation. Readers make an author just as much as writing the book does.

So, although anyone can publish a book, everyone can easily review it. It’s a responsibility to reach more readers and help new authors.

Read on…